1. Good start, makes assertion
at a specific topic.
2. Lost control of sentence
- reconstruct, maybe split in two.
3. Now has five topics going,
dangerous, but still clear at this point.
4. Failed to define what he
means by "good guys".
5. Writer puts things in the
negatives - "no way to dislike him" not a good approach.
6. He could easily cut out most
of these extra words.
7. Already dumped point about
humor and making third commentary, none of which are connected.
8. List not parallel , the series
within this sentence doesn't add up.
9. Every sentence so far has
been an assertion with no examples, as a result it lacks development.
10. Suddenly back to humor theme
paragraph and combine like topics.
11. We get the gist, but it
is not a readable sentence - he didn't mention that the OD was
a girl, to add content, he could have written "the young
woman OD'd on cocaine"
12. A charming sentence, mimics
the tone and captures the flavor of the movie.
13. Fairly inaccurate sentence,
meant to say that, though they're criminals they have intelligence
and some sort of moral code.
14. Offer Bible thing as example
- connect it to film terms to improve this.
15. The paper is so far a battle
between general and specific - when he makes observations about
specific things, his writing is batter, general statements lose
16. He keeps going back to dialog
- write paragraph on dialog!
17. Will accept unfounded statement
- you can't say anything wrong, but you get credit for what's
18. Some good sentences in here.
19. Explain what establishes
20. He has not used one film
21. Good to use "authenticity".
22. Makes fairly attractive
23. Good examples, and "character
actor" is film term.
24. Lost focus - term implies
this already, no need to waste words on it.
25. Extremely confusing, trying
to say that all but one character wears black and that the director
favors that kind of costuming.
26. These sentences need help
with word choice and clarity - go to the writing center.
27. Good place to use "authentic"
again instead of "realness," which is not a word.
28. Paper is devoid of content.
29. Could have listed qualities
of a Tarantino movie, "lots of blood, sex, and rock 'n'
30. Habits of not showing examples
shows up in conclusion - he's applauding Tarantino in attempt
to make everything sound positive - opinion is fine, but if
you applaud, give very specific examples why: his editing style,
his use of close-up, the pace and rhythm of fast editing, his
use of deep-focus and rack-focus - use the terms to help yourself.
31. Overall Comments:
-Can usually tell by the end
of the first page whether the writing interferes with a student's
ideas, if this is a major issue I tend to edit as I go through
and assume the person will take it to the writing center.
-Content fails rubric - it's
-Make use of examples that employ
-Work from an outline.
-What are the 3 main points?
Write with those in mind - even write 2 pages to diminish the
scope of the paper - for writers who don't have much experience
a 3-4 page paper must be frightening.
-Reduce it to manageable paragraphs.