Return to Contents Fantasticoe 2001 - 10th Anniversary Issue
I awoke at dawn and was so tired and groggy that I tried putting both of my legs into one pant hole of my coveralls. They seemed a bit tight, but I thought that it was due to the fact that my brother Jimbo and I had a huge meal the night before and that my potbelly was getting larger. I had to go start the day's worth of chores because Jimbo wasn't capable of doing them. After he got hurt last fall during the harvest he just has been able to do chores, so now he just works on all the tractors and such when they break down. I decided I better hurry out the barn, so that the cattle wouldn't start mooing and wake up Jimbo.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing; I rubbed my eyes to make sure enough I saw the same scene over again. The cattle were floating in the air, flying without the aid of wings. It's odd enough to see large farm animals flying in the air, but not knowing how they were doing it blew me away. I pondered how I was going to tell my brother, I shook my head, there is no way around it, Jimbo, was going to think I had lost it.
I was wondering what the hell was going on with the cows. It really was scaring me out of my wits and didn't want to admit that I was scared. I was only hoping that I was seeing things because I was not quite awake yet. I had no idea what I was going to do if this was really happening and the only thing I could think of was that I might actually wet my pants and if Jimbo saw me with wet drawers he would think I was a coward.
I decided to wait to tell Jimbo until after I had finished slopping the hogs their meal of grain. I went to the hog building across the lot to finish feeding the rest of the animals for the morning. When I arrived at the building I heard birds chirping. I couldn't believe that there could be that many birds in with the hogs. I wondered if I was just hearing things. When I went in the pigs all started chirping at me. Now this scared the shit out of me. 'I wondered how the pigs could be chirping; just yesterday they were oinking when I fed them. What has them chirp like birds? I knew now that I need to go tell Jimbo what I had seen and heard this morning.'
Before I went in and told Jimbo I decided that I better have a drink of " Grandpa's ol' cough syrup" that I had hidden the shed. Maybe this would make me feel better.
I ran into the house screaming, "Jimbo, Jimbo, you're never going to believe what is happening out there on the farm." He told me to calm down so that I could tell him what I saw. So I said, " The cattle are flying overhead in to barn and the pigs are chirping like birds. I don't know what has come over them."
Jimbo decided that he needed to go see what was happening for himself. I led him out to the barn where the cattle were to see if they were still flying. When we got there, they weren't and Jimbo was starting to think that something was really wrong with me. I said, "Let's go visit the pigs and I'll show you that nothing is wrong with me." When we arrived at the building and went in and saw the pigs they were still chirping. I had proved to Jimbo that I wasn't totally insane, as he might have thought.
I decided to get on the uniloader and do some work in the lot. Since the cows were flying I might as well scoop out the cow shit in the barn and put new straw down for them to sleep on. When I got on the uniloader I drove it out of the shed and into the cow barn. Then the uniloader had started to act really funny, it wouldn't go the way I wanted it to. I would turn the steering wheel in one direction and the uniloader would go the opposite way that I wanted it to. I thought that maybe it was a problem with the steering gear. I could leave this problem to Jimbo, because he was the one that was a mechanic around here.
I went back to the house and said, " Jimbo you need to look at the uniloader I had a problem with it."
Jimbo replied, " What did you think was wrong with it?"
I explained, " It wouldn't let me turn in the direction that I wanted, I would turn the steering wheel one way and the uniloader would go another direction."
Jimbo said that he would take a look at it. He found that nothing was wrong with the uniloader. He asked me if I was doing something wrong while driving it. I said no, but contemplated that it could be true that I was doing something wrong. I chalked it up to that and decided to go and check on the cattle again.
I needed to sort out the cattle that were ready to go to market from the rest. When I arrived at the cattle barn I noticed that the cows were flying again, but this time they were spurting dung at me. I was dodging left and right to try and escape the piles of dung that were being shot at me. I thought that it was bad enough that it was being flung at me, but the smell was even worse. It smelt like cow shit that had been smeltering in the sun for three days in 101-degree weather. I hoped that I would find shelter soon from the flying piles of dung. This really started to freak me out. I began to ponder that maybe I really was going insane and that the events of the day were just being played out in my head. I didn't want to go and tell Jimbo about this because he would definitely think that I was going insane or that I was having a mental break down from years of working on the farm. So I did the best I could to get the cattle that needed to go to the sale barn all rounded up. The cattle seemed to cooperate with me, which made me feel a little relieved.
I decided I would try and work in the field; maybe this would calm my nerves a little bit. I went ahead and started to walk around the field and pull various ears of corn off the stalk to see if it was just about ready for harvest. As I was doing this I kept seeing strange little things moving around the field. I figured that it was probably just the coons trying to get some corn to eat. Boy was I ever wrong. As I got a closer look at the animals moving around I noticed that they looked like small child like humans. Then when I got up next to one I noticed that they were aliens. Now this really petrified me. They were dark green in color and all slimy. They had odd misshapen heads that had antennae pointing out of the top of them. There were about the size of a five-year-old child. They were very grotesque and were making all sorts of strange gurgling noises, or that is what they sounded like to me. This really made me tremble in fear as I questioned all the events that had happened during the early part of the day.
I then realized that maybe all the aliens in the field were what was the cause of all the chaos that had happened today. I pondered what I could do to take care of this inconvenience. I knew that I couldn't tell Jimbo. Now more than ever he would definitely think I was insane. He might even want to take me to the hospital and commit me to the psychiatric ward. I thought that maybe I could just get the gun and begin to shoot them to try and kill them all off, but I knew that might be outlandish because I didn't know how many of them there were. But I thought I would at least give it a try. If Jimbo came out to see what I was doing he would just tell him that I was shooting at the coons because they were in the field trying to eat all of the corn. The gun didn't help. The aliens then got on the chirping pigs and they helped the aliens attack me. It sounded as if fireworks were going off at a rapid speed. The pop of the gun only made more of them appear to me and start to come after me. It just made them ooze some kind of green gunk and it made them mutate into an even uglier form of an alien. When they mutated they grew about a foot or two and changed to a lime green color and developed funny looking bumps all over their bodies. They also gained another pair of eyes, legs, and feet. They grew three more sets of arms. Now I was really starting to become deathly concerned. I knew if I went out into the open lot that they wouldn't follow me so that is what I chose to do. I was only hoping that the pigs wouldn't bring them out into the lot to come after me.
I couldn't wait for this day to end. I only prayed that it didn't get any worse. I didn't know if I could handle any more bizarre happenings. I pondered that if anything else happened I truly might go insane. I decided that if I first had another drink of "Grandpa's ol' cough syrup" it could make me feel better, and then I would lie down and rest in the barn for a while to forget all the bizarre happenings go away. I knew that "Grandpa's ol' cough syrup" probably wouldn't make things any better but at least it couldn't make them any worse. I thought that if I slept awhile, that when I woke everything would be back to normal.
When I woke up everything wasn't back to normal. I went back to the house and went to bed. I thought the only way to get rid of the problem was to ignore it altogether. So that is exactly what I did, and I prayed that everything would be back to normal by tomorrow. If it wasn't and I had to deal with events that could be worse than today's, then I would probably have to commit myself to the Psychiatric ward, because I knew that I would never be the same, nor would I ever be able to work on the farm again.
I would like to thank the class for all the help that they gave me editing this story and giving me ideas on how to make it better. I would thank Terry for his input on some aspects of my story that weren't correct and for ideas on how to make this story better. I would like to thank my family and the home life that I had for giving the idea for this story.
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