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When Martha was little, she would always dream about meeting "Mr. Right". When Martha grew up she realized this was not going to happen so she decided she was going to have to go about getting a man a different way than the normal, traditional way. In order for her to get her man Martha would need the help of the town witch that lived two doors down in the red and green house. The witch was well- known, but many were afraid of her and what the consequences of her help would be. Martha knew that she was probably getting herself into something crazy and that the witch would want something in return. But she was desperate and had failed at many relationships before. Martha was not bad looking with long brown hair and dark brown eyes. She was athletic and had a great body. She was just picky.
One Tuesday, Martha gathered enough courage to go to the witch's house. She kept telling herself that soon she would finally be getting a man and hopefully much more. She was desperate and was not getting any younger for she was almost 38 years-old. Some days Martha thought she was the oldest virgin alive, well, besides her neighbor named Hewlett. Hewlett's house was right behind hers and they saw each other quite often. Hewlett was attractive with his short curly brown hair, blue sparkling eyes, and nice ass, but he was her neighbor. Martha thought about him every once in a while, but just as the guy who lived next door and that was it. Hewlett wasn't married because he was a religious man and his last girlfriend left him because of sexual frustration. He was one of those men who wanted to wait until he was married, like Martha. Martha reached the witch's house and was about to ring the doorbell when the door just flew open. "Come in Martha. I have been waiting for you." a soft voice said from inside. Martha looked around, her squinting eyes trying to adjust to the light coming from down a long, skinny hall.
"Where are you? How do you know my name?" asked Martha in a trembling voice.
"I know all you silly, sad woman. I am a witch aren't I?" the witch asked in a sarcastic tone.
There was a bright flash and suddenly before Martha stood an incredibly beautiful woman with long red hair and green eyes. Martha was puzzled.
"What, did you think I was ugly or something? If I were you I would not be judging anything considering your looks and the shape you are in." the witch said while laughing.
"Hey, I am not bad looking! It's not my fault I can't find a man who doesn't live for sex and isn't full of himself. Anyway, I'm shy." Martha spouted off.
The witch then grabbed Martha's hand and led her down the hallway filled with crafts and P. Buckly Moss paintings into what looked like some kind of kitchen. The kitchen consisted of a stainless steel stove, oven and refrigerator. There was a bar where pots, pans, and dirty breakfast dishes were scattered about. The witch had the same dish pattern as Martha. She never was said to be mean or unusual. Only stereotyped.
"Let's get cookin'! Hell, you need lots of time to find you a man! This is not going to be easy and remember," the witch said touching Martha's chin, " I do expect something in return."
"Shit." Martha mumbled.
The witch then looked deep into Martha's dark brown eyes and told her that in return for her services she would need something from Martha. Martha knew better then to give the witch a shitty exchange and she knew that it better be a sacrifice too.
"I noticed when I walked past your garage that you didn't have a car. Would you consider my Pinto? It's real nice and there's not too many rust spots." asked Martha with her fingers crossed behind her back.
"Your Pinto? Well, since I know all, I know that the Pinto was your first car and that it is the place where you almost lost your virginity once, God only knows how. But, sure, I need a car anyway." replied the witch.
Martha told her that as soon as she found her man the car would be hers.
The witch took a small jar filled with a clear substance out of the stainless steel refrigerator and handed it to Martha. She explained that Martha would have six tries to find her man. All she had to do was take a swig of the potion in the jar and blow on a man whenever she saw a one that appealed to her. If the man stayed the same, he was the man for her and she was to return the potion to the witch because there wasn't much left of the potion in the world. If the man changed, he would change into his worst trait. Martha could spend up to ten minutes with each man before he changed and each man would be drawn to her so there was no way she wouldn't be able to get to know them After she had been out of each man's presence for an hour the man would return to normal. The witch explained that she would help Martha meet the man that was perfect for her, but it was up to Martha to make the relationship work. Martha thought that this sounded easy despite maybe making an ass out of herself as a result of puckering up and actually blowing on a man. She took the potion and left to begin her hunt.
Martha thought all night about the type of man she wanted to find. In the morning she got herself dressed and ready to go look for a man. Before she could do that she had needed to go to the bank and get some money. She was planning on hitting the bars and needed some cash. When arriving at the bank she came across a slightly overweight yet attractive man wearing a gray and blue business suit. She made up some question about money which led into other discussion.
"Um, I have a question about a credit card I received in the mail and I wondered if you could tell me if it was a good deal or not?" she asked the man in whispery voice.
After some questions were answered and irrelevant conversation started she found that the guy was single and actually really nice, funny and smart. So, Martha told him she needed a drink of water and not to go away. She came back and did the potion thing. The man suddenly started talking about himself saying how perfect he was and that he was in such great shape and got all the women, but could spare some time for her.
"You know, being a man of my stature and charm, I must say that I am the smartest and most good looking banker here." he said in a smug voice.
"Yeah, I am sure you are." she said filled with disgust.
Getting really discouraged Martha walked away and headed for home.
Two days later Martha decided to go to scope out the hospital. A good looking doctor sounded appealing. Maybe a Pediatrician. She liked kids and really wanted to have some. She found a rather good looking doctor in his mid-thirties standing next to the water fountain. Fluffing her hair and batting her eyelashes Martha bent down to get a drink. She was so nervous she smashed her mouth into the fountain head.
"Ouch!" Martha whined, straightening up while holding her mouth.
"Are you all right? Here let me look, I am a doctor." the cute man said.
He cupped her chin with a strong hand and told her tilt her face up so he could look inside her mouth.
"We better go back to my office so I can get a closer look." the doctor said. The two went to the office and Martha turned out to be okay. The doctor gave her a glass of Listerine to clean her mouth out with and told her to spit in the bathroom. Martha did this, but before she came out she took a drink of the potion. She thanked him while blowing on him at the same time. It turned out that the doctor was going on break and asked her to join him. On the way down to the cafeteria a little kid ran by running into the doctor.
"You Goddamn little shit! I should beat your ass for not watching where you're going!" yelled the furious doctor.
"Oh, look at the time. I gotta go, um, somewhere." stammered Martha.
She then took off walking as fast as she could without looking back.
After leaving the hospital Martha decided that she needed some fresh air so she headed for the park. She was tired and found a rather appealing bench to sit on. Not only did her legs hurt and she needed a seat, but on the bench there was a man. A rather good-looking man. At this point Martha did not really care if she was only talking to him because of his looks. As she sat down, Martha flashed the dark, curly-haired man a radiant smile. He frowned at her.
"Hi, my name is Martha and yours?" she asked him in soft womanly voice.
"Ted. Ted is my name." he snapped back in a deep voice.
"Well, Ted, how do you like this weather?" Martha asked trying to strike up a conversation.
"What I would like is if you would stop talking to me and leave me the hell alone!" the man said in a nasty voice.
"Well, sorry. I was just trying to be friendly. Some one must have bit you on the ass." she said with her head down.
"You, all you women think that you all are so great. Well, you know what, you aren't. You all are a bunch of bitches! Do you really think that a man cannot survive without you? Christ!" saying this he got up and left Martha sitting there in shock.
Martha decided she needed to clear her head for a while therefore taking two days off from the man hunt. She really wanted to make sure that what she was doing was right. She thought long and hard about the whole potion thing. Martha really wanted to find the right man and she was so tired of being lonely. For so many nights she sat alone in her bedroom and cried. She cried because she thought she was ugly, she thought she would never be able to show a man all the love, loyalty and affection that was in her heart.
After some rest and relaxation she decided she would go to the local bar, the Drite, and look again. It was only 1:00 p.m., but she had a good reason for going so early. She was hungry. At first she would observe the man and his social skills and then decide whether or not to talk to him. The fourth man Martha came upon was a tall, blonde haired man with really straight teeth. Martha noticed that he must be funny because all of his friends were laughing and he really didn't pay to much attention to the other women at the bar. Martha made eye contact and went up to him and started talking. He seemed nice and rather intelligent. It was almost like talking to any other woman. Martha turned her back away from him, took a swig of the potion, turned back around and blew on him. The man looked at her and seemed not to change. After talking for about ten more minutes the man started to undress! He started with his shirt, slowing unbuttoning it.
"Holy shit!" Martha busted, eyes bulging and jaw dropped open.
He had breast! He was like talking to another woman because he was a woman!
"What is wrong?" he asked in a frantic voice.
"You're a freakn' woman!" she stammered, excusing herself quickly and leaving.
After taking two days off because of being traumatized, she decided to give the park one more try. This time she met child molester in a park. He looked nice until she blew on him and ten minutes later he was calling kids over like one would call their kitty. He said, "Here Kiddy, Here Kiddy."
She decided to call it a day and maybe she would have better luck tomorrow. She had only one more chance.
The next morning Martha woke up at 6:00 a.m. She woke up so early because she needed the whole day to find her man. She didn't want a repeat of yesterday. She took a shower and curled her hair. She was hungry but too nervous to eat and did not really want to spend the entire morning on the toilet with diarrhea. At about 9:30 a.m. she was ready to start her hunt. Her neighbor, Hewlett, was outside and asked her what she was doing. She told him to bug off and to get out of her way. Hewlett, being the persistent fellow that he was, wanted to know what she was doing.
"Come on Martha. What are you doing? You've hardly been around lately. You were gone all day yesterday and I am bored. I don't have to work today. I thought we could pal around or something." Hewlett said sounding sad and desperate for Martha's attention.
Martha finally told him that she was on a man hunt and then Hewlett wanted to go with her.
"A little help could not hurt." Martha told him.
So, they got in her Pinto and drove through town. Hewlett looked like he had something on his mind but would not say what when Martha asked him. He just looked out the window. He would occasionally look at Martha with his mouth open as if he had something to say. He never spoke, just watched.
Martha drove to the mall, found a spot and turned off the car. She got out and Hewlett reluctantly followed.
"Don't find a man this way. Just give it some time." Hewlett pleaded.
"No, my clock is ticking and I want a man and I want him now!" snapped Martha.
The two sat on a bench outside of Sears for about two hours without finding anything. During this time Martha had poured the rest of the potion into a paper cup as to not look so odd if she needed a quick swig of the potion. A rather familiar guy walked by them. He was of average build and height. He had blondish-brown hair and gray eyes. Martha smiled at him. He came and sat down by her and Hewlett.
"Mind if I sit here? I'm here with my grandmother. She's getting her hair done." he explained.
Martha thought he must be a terrific guy if he's with his grandma. How sweet he must be. After chatting for twenty minutes Martha could tell that Hewlett had gotten irritated and that the man's grandmother would be done soon. She picked up her glass and took a drink. Just as she was about to blow on the man Hewlett grabbed her.
"What!" she shrieked.
Martha instantly threw her hand to her face as did Hewlett. She had used the last of the potion on him. Shocked, the two stared at one another. Meanwhile the man had left. Nothing was said for the next ten minutes. Hewlett didn't change either.
"You, you di, di, didn't cha, change!" Martha stuttered in disbelief.
Hewlett grabbed Martha's hand and said the sweetest words she ever heard,
"I new I wouldn't Martha. I wanted to stop you and I did. I love you Martha and have always. I will treat you right and I believe you know that."
Martha did know. Five months later Martha left the house, driving a Chevy Lumina, to work. She smiled as she looked at her left hand on the steering wheel.
"Diamonds are a girl's best friend." she whispered to her passenger.
Hewlett smiled back.
I would like thank all my peers for their imput on this story and for all of their suggestions on how to make it better. This was a really fun story for me to write. I wish something like this could happen in real life. Thank you all.
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